Wednesday, 5 December 2012

This is none of your business (but I'm sharing anyway)

This post is probably none of your business because you're not my husband or child.

This post is probably none of your business because you don't need to know why, at this present time, I'm not going back to work next year.

And this is probably none of your business because you don't need to know or understand our financial situation.





For some reason though, some people do think those things are their business. That's fine, they can ask, and I can choose not to tell. But what I do mind, is when I decide to go to a local cafe for lunch, after Mr.T has done an excellent job putting up with me shopping, and the cafe owner asks about the above issues. She asks, I give vague answers, and I'm shocked at the responses in return like:

"Your baby should fit around your life, you shouldn't fit around theirs" Do people actually SAY that!?

"If your baby is clingy, and you don't let them be without you, then you are spoiling them" As above!?

"You should just go back to work for half days" Yes, because I can walk into my tiny workplace and demand they create a job for me that fits into my life.

I don't know this lady. She doesn't know that I've only just started to sleep more than one 3 hour stretch a night and that as of a week ago, I was leaving Tom's room every evening in tears due to the pain in my back. She doesn't know that there are no part-time jobs available in my work place and I choose not to leave my child 5 days a week in the hands of strangers (I had a child so I could raise him - not somebody else). She also doesn't know that I have no family in the area who can help.

Oh, and she doesn't know I blog, and it's going really well and I'm looking into running a business alongside it in 2013.

What she probably assumes is that I do not want to let my baby go, that I am smothering him, and that I just walk around shopping and going to cafes all day. (I do NOT).

I walked in for some lunch, followed by a piece of banana bread. I did not ask for a side order of judgement.

Do you get hassled about not going back to work? How do you handle it?

You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. It's not really any of my business.

14 comments:

  1. What a cow. People should keep their opinions to themselves. That lunch would have left a bad taste in your mouth...

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    1. Yeah you could say that. The worst part is, I really like it there! Well, I DID like it there.

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  2. You poor woman! I am over 50 we used to get pilloried for going back to work when my children were small. I assume this person was not an employee of the cafe where you were lunching, if they were I would make a complaint. All new mothers should be issued with a T-shirt that says "My Baby, My Business".

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    1. She is the owner Vanessa! I don't know her but she knows who I am, what I do for a living. That's the joy of living in a very small country town I guess.

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    2. Where is a Like button for "My Baby - My Business" t-shirt idea :) Jenya

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  3. I despise comments like that. The continual "oh, so you're not going back to work", or when somebody asks "what do you do?" and I reply happily "I'm a mum" and they look at me like I'm wearing a sign on my head that says LAZY.

    No, I am a mum. And it was a struggle to finally get the honour of being one. I happily stay home to raise my child and to support my husband whilst he finishes his degree. I didn't return to work because I enrolled in uni for next year - to better myself and my family.

    My son does not rule my life, nor does he simply fit into our pre-baby life... We created a new life TOGETHER.

    Do I judge those who return to work? No. So why should they judge me and the decisions that we made for OUR family.

    There are so many thoughts as to what is 'right', 'wrong' and 'normal'... What works for OUR family is all that matters. So I say: Don't agree with our decisions? Your problem, not mine!!


    Rant over....

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    1. So true - The line about creating a new life together. I just get sick of having to justify myself all the time when I shouldn't have to.

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  4. I haven't been hassled about this as such but I do notice that some (most) people seem to think it's weird that I haven't gone back to work "yet" seeing as my daughter turned 2 in September. It seems to be assumed by many (most) that she should be in daycare by now, and that if she's not, it's somehow bad for her because she won't be properly "socialised" (crock, imo). I've just had another baby so I guess I'm off the hook again with regard to the back to work questions / assumptions but I imagine they will start up again pretty soon. These days the trend is not to stay home, so it has become pretty unusual to do so I guess. Like you, I don't feel the need to explain our financial situation, but what I will say is that I get annoyed with comments like " you're so lucky you can stay home, we couldn't afford it" from people who materially have heaps of stuff and holidays and spa days etc. I can stay home because we make careful choices e.g. second hand clothes so that I can stay home, not because we are "lucky" and rich in terms of cash.
    Anyway, sod other people hey ;) Per previous commenter, it's what works for OUR family that matters to our family, as with every other aspect of parenting :)

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    1. haha yep! It's just not the 'norm' anymore. My mum never worked and I came out alright ;-)

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  5. Welcome to the world of being a Mum, it sure was an eye opener for me too. Not only are we judged for the way we give birth and feed our babies we are also judged for the way we raise them. I am not even sure that it ever stops. It also drives me crazy that everyone (particularly women) become experts on every situation imaginable and they feel that they need to share that judgement as well. It does become easier, by the time you have your 2nd bub hopefully it won't even get to you a tiny bit. Judy from Jaycees 4 Kids

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  6. I think sometimes it is not necessarily what people say, but what we hear. We all have choices to make, and we make those that we believe benefit our families. A lot of the time we have to compromise. Going back to work was a compromise for me. I am so lucky my employer gave me an opportunity to do part-time work, so I still get to spend a lot of time with my Little Monkey (although not as much as I would have loved to) without loosing our house, that we worked our butts off to buy. I just read recently something along these lines, "What Betty says about Suzie says more about Betty that Suzie" :) Have a fab day everyone :) J

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