Saturday, 10 November 2012

Amazing Life

Lately, I've been in a total slump. I've been feeling a little low and lost and confused. As the end of the year looms, so does the realisation that I have now been out of teaching for 12 months. There's an 'unknown' on the horizon. I completely and utterly suck at the 'unknown'. I'm a planner, I like to know what's ahead, set goals, move towards them. When I don't have that I tend to get anxious, stressed and snappy. This is me. Right now.

I know this is going to be a self-pity party, but hey, it's my Blog. That's just the way it goes. I know people have it so much worse off, etc, etc etc. But I just want to be generally happy with what I'm doing in my life. I don't think that's a lot to ask.

When I was at uni, I thought travelling the world and experimenting with my teaching career was going to make me so happy. I thought that would be an amazing life. I was ready to walk out those double doors of the lecture theatre, throw my hat up and board a plane. Then I got a boyfriend husband. I decided that being with this man was my dreams and future and my career will still be a part of that.

And for a time, I was happy. We were happy. It was an amazing life. But then there seemed to be a void to fill, and I felt ready to take a break from my career. I thought maybe I was losing my drive and the void was filled with the next big thing. A baby. And it has been the ultimate way to have an amazing life.

But now? I need something for me. Starting this Blog has been the beginning of that. Before I started School of Mum I was feeling ridiculously isolated and lonely in this extremely small town that is home. I'm just not sure where to go from here and that's tough for me. The stability of a full-time job is no more as I move towards figuring out how to juggle being a Mum, wife and ?

It's the question mark that's bothering me. It should be exciting. I'm not held down and I'm now open to a new opportunity in life. It's a shame that uncertainty and that floating feeling overrides and I'm left wanting to find something desperately to anchor me, whatever that may be.

Did I mention I make lists too? Oh yeah, I make heaps of lists. On paper, in my head and on a screen...

What I have
* A degree in Primary Education, 5 years of teaching experience and some Leadership experience
* A Certificate IV in Professional Writing and Editing
* A loving husband, a beautiful spunky 12 month old and a newly built home.

What I've been thinking about...
* Teaching a few hours a week (if I can find the work). This is all I feel deep down I can manage right now.
* Starting a business alongside the Blog - Selling educational products/custom designing games/activities for all children, specialising in those with Special Needs
* Writing - For anyone that will have me do it for cash.
* Party Planner - This one is almost on the backburner in my head though.

Clare Bowditch - Amazing Life

Thanks Clare Bowditch - Speaking to my heart, as always

Do you work from home? What do you do? And if you don't, would you hire me? Well, a girl's got to try...


  1. Your words echo my own!! I, too, have an incredibly amazing twelve month old son and a wonderfully support husband... And I'm trying to reinvent myself.

    It's so incredibly hard!!! Especially because it's not just our career direction - but who will care for my child? How will it affect time with my family? Will it affect the relationship with my husband? ... All after our whole world that has already been (delightfully) upturned with the arrival of our children!!

    I researched childcare in our area to find I would need to work more than 20 hr/wk at more than $22p/h just to afford childcare AND pay for petrol in the car. Having no family in town, I have no free babysitters - so I'm heading back to uni part time while my husband finishes his degree and works part-time... At least it will keep my brain stimulated!!!

    1. It is really hard! I don't have any free babysitters where I live either. I've considered a little bit of study too, but I think an income might need to come first for us! I hope you find what you're looking for too! :-)

  2. I think we all go through this. I'm now doing it for the second time....
    After having my first I was eager to do some work (teaching or otherwise) and was really lucky to get a sessional contract at the university, working no more than 4 hours a day 3 days a week (so only missed one feed each time which I expressed in between classes). I was also able to leave my daughter with my mother in law, who lived just behind the university.
    I now have a 3.5 month old son as well and I'm keen again to do something stimulating.
    I have recently been making little designs with buttons on clothes for my kids (which have attracted great comments) so I'm thinking I'll try to sell some through Facebook...seems many sahm/wahms do this now.
    Next year I'll probably return to the university where I get to teach our future teachers :)

  3. I can completely relate to how you are feeling right now. Its near impossible for me to go back to my career in stockbroking even if I wanted to. I have to re-skill but am finding that difficult to manage.
    I think you should get some satisfaction about how well your blog is going. The idea of starting up a small business in conjunction with the blog sounds like a good one to me. Its something you can start up gradually and do along side some casual teaching.
    I wish you all the very best of luck with whatever direction you take.

  4. I am feeling the same as you. I have 3 boys and while I am a nurse-I am not sure which direction I am supposed to go as well. I am 6 months into maternity leave but am feeling the pressure already to have the answers. Thanks for sharing, I am interested in seeing where you end up.

  5. I feel the same way Ang. I want to go back to work part time just to have that extra adult thing to do. I loved starting my blog and making bigger then what it was before. It's made me make more new friends like you. For now that will have to do it's a full time job kinda.